[Week 25]: Redefining Success

Beyond Conventional Success - What does success truly mean? •Personal Fulfillment - Finding joy and satisfaction in your achievements. •Inspiring Stories - Redefining success for yourself.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for being very late with this episode of Uncommon Common Sense. I’ve been feeling under the weather for the last several weeks.

Anyways, here’s to a wonderful 2025 for each of you. May it be filled with joy, love and happiness.

Introduction

Redefining Success: A New Year's Reflection

As the first rays of sunlight broke through this morning January 1st, 2025, millions around the world are engaging in the time-honored tradition of setting New Year's intentions. Yet this year, perhaps more than ever, there's a palpable shift in the air. Instead of the usual promises to lose weight, earn more money, or climb the corporate ladder, many are pausing to ask a more fundamental question: What does success truly mean to me?

The past few years have reshaped our world in unprecedented ways. The aftermath of the recent global challenges has forced us to reevaluate our priorities, question our traditional markers of achievement, and consider whether the conventional roadmap to success still serves us. As we stand at the threshold of a new year, we have a unique opportunity to redefine what success means on our own terms.

The traditional metrics of success – wealth, status, power, and material possessions – have long dominated our collective consciousness. We've been conditioned to believe that a bigger house, a more prestigious title, or a higher salary automatically equates to greater success. But as we've learned through recent global shifts, these external markers can be fragile and sometimes hollow, failing to provide the deep satisfaction and meaning we truly seek.

Yesterday, Dec 31 marked the end of a year long research into defining and redefining success. This research included talking with 2000 plus people from all walks of life - from CEOs to cleaning girls. And what I’ve witnessed is a profound transformation in how people view success. Some are finding it in the quality of their relationships and the depth of their connections. Others are discovering it in their ability to make a positive impact on their communities or the environment. Still others are redefining success through the lens of personal growth, work-life harmony, or the pursuit of long-forgotten passions.

This reimagining of success isn't about rejecting ambition or achievement. Rather, it's about expanding our understanding of what constitutes a life well-lived. It's about recognizing that success can be as diverse as humanity itself – that your version of success might look radically different from your neighbor's, and that's not just okay, it's actually wonderful.

As we begin this new year, we're invited to engage in honest self-reflection. What brings us genuine joy? What makes us feel truly alive? What contribution do we want to make to the world? These questions can guide us toward a more authentic and fulfilling definition of success.

The beauty of this moment lies in its potential for transformation. Whether you're a CEO questioning the cost of your achievements, a parent redefining success through your children's well-being, or a young professional seeking meaning beyond the paycheck, this is your invitation to pause and reconsider what success means to you.

As we embark on this journey of redefinition, remember that this isn't about adding pressure or creating new standards to measure up to. Instead, it's about liberation – freeing ourselves from societal expectations and creating space for a more personal, meaningful, and sustainable vision of success.

Welcome to 2025. Welcome to your opportunity to redefine success on your own terms.

The notion of success has been deeply ingrained in human consciousness since time immemorial, yet its definition remains surprisingly fluid and deeply personal. In contemporary society, we often find ourselves trapped within a narrow paradigm of success - one defined primarily by material wealth, professional status, and external validation. However, as our world grows increasingly complex and interconnected, there's a growing recognition that this conventional understanding of success may be insufficient, if not entirely misleading.

The Traditional Narrative

For generations, success has been measured through a relatively straightforward lens: career advancement, financial prosperity, and social status. This framework emerged largely from the industrial revolution and subsequent capitalist structures, where productivity and material accumulation became primary indicators of individual worth. Children grow up being told that success means getting good grades, attending prestigious universities, securing high-paying jobs, and climbing the corporate ladder.

This traditional narrative has served as a reliable roadmap for many, providing clear metrics and milestones against which to measure progress. It's tangible, quantifiable, and easily comparable - perhaps explaining its enduring appeal. After all, it's far easier to measure success through bank balances and job titles than through more nuanced metrics of personal fulfillment or societal contribution.

The Cracks in Conventional Success

However, cracks in this conventional definition have become increasingly apparent. We see them in the rising rates of depression and anxiety among ostensibly "successful" individuals, in the growing phenomenon of corporate burnout, and in the increasing number of people questioning whether their achievements truly bring them satisfaction.

Consider the paradox of the successful executive who realizes they've sacrificed their health and relationships in pursuit of career advancement, or the wealthy individual who feels fundamentally empty despite their material abundance. These scenarios highlight a crucial truth: conventional success metrics often fail to capture the essence of what makes life meaningful and fulfilling.

Emerging Perspectives on Success

As we move further into the 21st century, new paradigms of success are emerging that challenge traditional definitions. These alternative frameworks emphasize:

Personal Growth and Self-Actualization

Success increasingly involves the continuous journey of self-discovery and personal development. It's about becoming more self-aware, developing emotional intelligence, and growing as a human being. This perspective values the process of learning and evolution over specific outcomes or achievements.

Meaningful Relationships and Community

Another crucial dimension of success involves the quality of our relationships and our contribution to community. Success in this context might mean being a loving parent, a reliable friend, or an engaged community member. It's about creating and maintaining meaningful connections that enrich both our lives and those of others.

Impact and Purpose

More people are defining success through the lens of positive impact and purpose. This could mean contributing to environmental sustainability, fighting for social justice, or simply making a positive difference in others' lives. Success becomes less about personal gain and more about meaningful contribution.

Work-Life Integration

Rather than pursuing success in separate compartments of life, there's growing emphasis on achieving harmony between different aspects of existence. Success means creating a life where professional pursuits complement personal values and relationships, rather than competing with them.

Well-being and Balance

Physical and mental well-being are increasingly recognized as fundamental components of success. This includes maintaining good health, practicing mindfulness, and finding balance in life's various demands.

Redefining Success: A Personal Journey

Redefining success is ultimately a deeply personal journey that requires honest self-reflection and courage to challenge inherited assumptions. Here are key considerations in this process:

Understanding Personal Values

The foundation of redefining success lies in understanding our core values. What truly matters to us? What principles do we want to guide our lives? These questions require deep introspection and often lead to surprising insights about what we genuinely consider important.

Identifying Authentic Goals

Once we understand our values, we can set goals that align with them. These might be radically different from conventional success metrics. For some, success might mean living simply while pursuing artistic passion; for others, it might mean building a sustainable business that benefits society.

Measuring What Matters

Redefining success requires developing new metrics for measuring progress and achievement. These might include:

- Level of personal growth and learning

- Quality of relationships and connections

- Impact on community and society

- Alignment between values and actions

- Overall life satisfaction and well-being

Embracing Complexity

A more nuanced understanding of success acknowledges that it's not a destination but a continuous journey. It recognizes that success can look different in different seasons of life and that it often involves balancing competing priorities and values.

Challenges in Redefining Success

Shifting away from conventional definitions of success isn't without challenges:

Social Pressure

Society continues to privilege traditional success metrics, making it difficult to pursue alternative paths. This can manifest in family expectations, peer pressure, and broader cultural messages.

Internal Conditioning

Our own internalized beliefs about success can be deeply rooted and difficult to change. Breaking free from these mental models requires consistent effort and self-awareness.

Practical Considerations

While pursuing a more holistic version of success is admirable, practical considerations like financial security cannot be ignored. The challenge lies in finding ways to meet basic needs while staying true to broader definitions of success.

Implementing a New Success Paradigm

Moving from theory to practice in redefining success involves several key steps:

Regular Reflection

Set aside time regularly to reflect on your definition of success and how it aligns with your actions and choices. This might involve journaling, meditation, or structured self-assessment.

Community Building

Seek out others who share your values and vision of success. Building a supportive community can provide encouragement, accountability, and practical support in pursuing alternative paths.

Incremental Changes

Start making small but consistent changes that align with your redefined version of success. This might mean adjusting work hours, prioritizing relationships, or dedicating time to personal growth activities.

Celebrating Different Kinds of Success

Actively acknowledge and celebrate progress in areas that matter to you, even if they don't fit conventional success metrics. This helps reinforce new definitions of achievement and fulfillment.

The Broader Impact

Redefining success on a personal level can have broader societal implications:

Cultural Shift

As more people embrace alternative definitions of success, it creates space for cultural change. This can lead to more diverse and inclusive understanding of what constitutes a life well-lived.

Organizational Change

Companies and institutions may begin to adapt their metrics and reward systems to accommodate broader definitions of success, potentially leading to more human-centered workplaces.

Sustainable Development

A more nuanced understanding of success that includes environmental and social considerations can contribute to more sustainable development patterns.

Conclusion

Redefining success is not about completely rejecting traditional metrics but about expanding our understanding to encompass what truly matters in life. It's about recognizing that success is deeply personal and multifaceted, that it changes over time, and that it should ultimately contribute to both individual fulfillment and collective well-being.

As we move forward in an increasingly complex world, the ability to define success on our own terms becomes not just important but essential. It allows us to live more authentic, meaningful lives while contributing to the creation of a more balanced and sustainable society.

The journey of redefining success is ongoing and evolving. It requires courage to question conventional wisdom, wisdom to understand what truly matters, and persistence to forge new paths. Yet, in doing so, we open ourselves to richer, more fulfilling ways of living and being in the world.

The question "What does success truly mean?" may never have a universal answer, but in asking it seriously and personally, we begin the vital work of creating lives that are not just successful by external measures, but deeply meaningful by our own standards.

P.S.

Redefining success is not about completely rejecting traditional metrics, but rather about understanding how life's profound moments can suddenly and irrevocably shift our perspective. As someone who experienced this firsthand on August 17, 2008, when I lost my beautiful daughter Laura to suicide, I learned that success can be redefined in an instant. That day, everything I knew about success – as a mother, as a caregiver, as a person – was fundamentally altered. My transformation from a "yes" mother to someone who could firmly say "NO" taught me that success isn't just about achievements, but about finding your authentic voice, even if it emerges from unimaginable loss.

As we move forward in an increasingly complex world, the ability to define success on our own terms becomes not just important but essential. Sometimes it takes a devastating personal tragedy to realize this truth. My journey taught me that success can mean having the courage to say no, to stand firm in your boundaries, and to question what part of "NO" others don't understand. These seemingly simple acts can represent profound personal growth and strength.

The journey of redefining success is ongoing and evolving, often shaped by our deepest losses and most challenging experiences. It requires not just the courage to question conventional wisdom, but the resilience to rebuild our understanding of what matters after our world has been shattered. When my whole demeanor changed after Laura's passing, I discovered that success could mean simply surviving, finding my voice, or helping others understand mental illness better.

The question "What does success truly mean?" takes on new depth when viewed through the lens of personal tragedy. While there may never be a universal answer, our individual experiences – even the most painful ones – shape our understanding of what constitutes a meaningful life. Success might mean honoring the memory of those we've lost, advocating for better mental health care, or simply having the strength to keep going when everything we held dear about success has gone out the window. In this way, we create lives that are not just successful by external measures, but deeply meaningful by standards forged in both joy and sorrow.